My kids favorite food is snacks. Honestly. And if you have kids, you know what I am talking about.
You can spend an entire day sweating over your stove, preparing a Thanksgiving feast that could leave the most-strident vegan PETA member drooling with gluttonous desire over the turkey, and your six-year-old will turn her nose up at that gravy recipe that your great-great-grandmother brought from the Old Country back when William McKinley was in the White House.
But, the thought of a snack of any kind? That kid that was “full” just minutes earlier will suddenly have plenty of room for a bowl of Jell-O pudding.
However, when it comes to snacks, nothing beats the appeal of chips.
For kids, chips really check off a lot of boxes in the snack department. They’re usually salty. They’re flavorful. They’re easy to eat. They’re fun. And they’re about as casual a food as you can eat. Set out a bowl of chips and you’re almost required to put a football game on the TV, sink into your sofa, and let your Sunday afternoon slip away into oblivion.
Yet, not all chips are created equal. And no one will let you know their feeling about food as quickly as an eight-year-old girl. Like my daughter, Maddo.
I picked up a couple of variety bags of Frito-Lay chips the other day. These are the bags that look like pillows, only instead of being filled with goose down, they contain 20 bags of various types of Frito-Lay products. We needed these, anyway, because we had been wanting to re-supply our snack selection for a while. And, as she likes to do, Maddo set about organizing the chips by type and her preference. And being that Maddo is a kid who likes her chips, I knew she would have an opinion of all the choices ahead of her.
So, with that, here is Maddo’s definitive ranking of chips, and a reason behind her decisions. Keep in mind that this ranking is complete and absolute.
1. Nacho Cheese Doritos.
Maddo’s Take: It explodes in my mouth! I get a burst of flavor as soon as these are in my mouth!
2. Chili Cheese Fritos
Maddo’s Take: There’s a mix of spicy, but not too much. I get this taste all over my mouth, which is good.
3. Regular Chee-tos
Maddo’s Take: There’s all kinds of cheesy goodness here. And it just explodes in my mouth.
4. Cool Ranch Doritos
Maddo’s Take: Daddy? You know how you hate hippies? Well, you don’t really like hippies? Cool ranch is like a mix of bad boy and nice guy.
5. Original Fritos
Maddo’s Take: Nice and crunchy, but also plain and salty. But not “Sun Chips”-dull.
6. Classic Lay’s
Maddo’s Take: It’s just a classic, like the name says. It’s delicious, and it has a vegetable in it.
7. Lay’s Sour Cream and Onion
Maddo’s Take: It isn’t the best, but I would choose this over Sun Chips. But, when I have them, I don’t think, “LIKE, WOW!”
8. Lay’s Barbecue
Maddo’s Take: Myself, I would prefer real barbecue sauce. I mean, like the kind you put on ribs. You know, REAL STUFF!
9. Being Run Over By The Lay’s Delivery Truck
Maddo’s Take: OK, I made this one up.
10. Sun Chips
Maddo’s Take: These have a really dull flavor. No offense.