When you have kids, there are certain things that are given. Among these are:

–Crying

–More Crying

–Still More Crying

–Lots Of Crying

–Did I Mention Crying?

–OH, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY PLEASE STOP CRYING!!!!

All this crying can’t always be helped. Little kids, in particular, have a hard time expressing themselves so the natural thing to do when they are upset is to bawl their heads off like I do when I watch videos of the 1995 Seattle Mariners playoff run.

Sometimes The Crying is justified. Like when one of my daughters throws up in the night. But sometimes, man…The Crying…It just defies logic and explanation. If, as adults, we cried like these kids do, we would probably deserve a stay at the local insane asylum. As such, we often just have to let our kids get through The Crying as quickly as they can, even though this can [seemingly] take hours. At least it feels like that when your two-year-old is wailing louder than the volume at an Iron Maiden concert.

Last night, my daughters, Maddo and Little Sis, were in prime form. It was like nothing could settle either of them down or make them happy. One or the other was doing The Crying thing from almost the moment they came home. And just to give you a taste of what went on, here is a rundown all The Crying jags, who performed them, and some commentary on the situations.

The Crying occurred because:

–No mac and cheese for dinner [Little Sis]

My two-year old is more finicky than the common housecat. Last night, like every night, she wanted Kraft Mac & Cheese for dinner. This was not on the menu. She had a choice between cut up pieces of fried chicken [courtesy of my mom’s own recipe], strawberries, crackers with peanut butter, pears and rotini noodles with butter and Parmesan cheese. She was having nothing of it and proceeded to throw a fit that would have scared away our dogs, if we had any.

–No apple juice [Little Sis]

Sorry honey. It was milk or nothing

–She wanted to wash her hands by herself [Little Sis]

Never mind the fact that she can’t reach the faucet on her own, Little Sis thinks anything warmer than a sub-zero deep freeze is “hot”. I had to wash whatever daycare funk was on her hands and she did not like daddy’s help at all.

–A scolding for trying to push Little Sis down the stairs [Maddo]

Because what four-year-old hasn’t used their feet in an effort to plunge their younger sibling down a flight of stairs?

–Mommy and daddy washed someone’s hair [Maddo]

Actually, this was a little bit of punishment on our part for Maddo’s aforementioned attempt on Little Sis’s life. Maddo hates getting her hair washed. All the more reason for us to do it.

–She wanted the “quilt” story [Little Sis]

I had already read them two stories when Little Sis, whose bed we had just converted from a crib, got up, and hunted down this book about a little girl and the quilt the she loved. Little Sis loves this story so much that she shattered my eardrum with a tantrum until I gave in and read it, thus getting them to bed almost an hour after their standard bedtime.

–Someone wanted a Bombay Sapphire and tonic, then got upset upon finding there were no limes in the house

OK…That one was me. I guess I used them all up making margaritas over the weekend.