We use anniversaries for a number of reasons. The most-popular of which is probably to mark how long two people have been married. When you ask someone, “When is your anniversary?” it might be possible that you want to know the date of when he or she started taking piano lesssons. But, that would be weird. The chances are strong that you want to know the date that person got hitched.

Of course, there are other anniversaries, and they almost always involve life events. Birthdays, for example. I can still remember the anniversary of when I moved to Japan for what would end up being three years. (July 1, 1992). Your memory could be imprinted with the date of your first kiss, when you graduated from high school, or when you started at a new job. 

You might also remember when it was that you lost a job. Which, for me, the one-year anniversary of such an event just occured on May 10.

I still remember exactly how things went down a year ago. I worked remotely, and as head of technology news coverage at my news organization, I had begun my daily routine of looking at what was going on in the world of tech and figuring out what needed covering. I had barely gotten started on things when I saw a new event pop up in my online calendar. This itself was not uncommon; everyone worked remotely and we always had meetings being thrown into our schedules when we least expected them.

This one was different. It was set up to take place in about an hour. And it involved only me, one of our higher-up managers and someone from our Human Relations department. I may not always be the smartest person in the room, but I had enough brains to know what this gathering likely meant, and I was right. 

Soon enough, I was gathering up emails and contact information I wanted to save and copying off the documentation I needed to get my severance cash deposited into my bank account. And with that, I joined the nation’s unemployed.

A year can pass quickly. You get involved in the routines and activities of everyday life—everything from grocery shopping to watching “Jeopardy” to running your kids to school, their friends’ homes and to sports practices and games—and it’s easy to feel like a year has gone by without seeming like it was ever there. 

That’s not the case when you have been let go from a job. 

Immediately, you are aware of every minute of your every day. Sure, you do the typical stay-at-home spouse stuff. You get the kids to school. You unload the dishwasher. You get the laundry done. You handle errands and chores ranging from picking up toilet paper at Target to pulling weeds from your garden. 

And with everything you do, you never shake the feelings of stress, disappointment and failure. Every moment, you think about why you were fired, and if you will ever get hired again. You know you can still do…something…but with every day that goes by, and another rejection email greets you in the morning, the feeling of being a washout grows. 

Friends tell you that…something…will come around. That you have “too much talent” and someone will want you. That this is just temporary, and better things lie ahead.

Well…What if this is it? What if there are no “better things” to come, careerwise? Maybe I don’t have the talent I thought I had. Maybe no one really wants me. I’m a 56-year-old straight, white male. The reality is that I’m not a hot, young commodity, and I (arguably) don’t “check the boxes” that many employers feel they need to check for various reasons. I also know that with my experience and résumé, I probably cost more than a lot of places are willing to pay. Why get some “old” guy for $XXXXXX who is set in his ways when a company can get someone much younger, and cheaper, and who can be molded to fit its philosophy without question? I just might be viewed as too much trouble to deal with.

It probably doesn’t help that the career I have been in for nearly three decades, journalism, is in an ongoing state of flux. News outlets continue to slash jobs and adopt the never truly successful “do more with less” business philosophy. The opportunities for someone with my level of experience just aren’t as great as they once were.

And, after a year of looking for something new, I don’t know if “something new” is going to happen. This isn’t the NFL, where when a coach is hired, he knows there’s a good chance that sooner or later he will get fired…and soon enough, get hired again. If anyone knows that I am in the market for a new gig, they haven’t shown it. No one is banging on my door, or flooding my inbox with an avalanche of job offers. No one has acted Iike I am a “must have” for their organization. No one is clamoring for my services. 

So, this is where I am. Will I find something new? I honestly have no idea. All of the nearly 1,000 words I have written here could be moot by tomorrow if someone were to hire me for any of the dozens of jobs I have applied to just this month alone. I could also win the Mega Millions jackpot tonight and be truly retired by tomorrow’s sunrise. But, I’m not banking of either of those scenarios coming true.

Meanwhile…Another anniversary is now less than a year away.